What Are You Communicating?

I did not say you were ugly

     I did not say you were ugly

         I did not say you were ugly

               I did not say you were ugly

                      I did not say you were ugly

                            I did not say you were ugly

The way we place the em- pha-sis on certain syllables or words communicates more than the actual content of the sentence. This is why interpersonal communication can be tricky and miscommunication is easy.

Take a look at this video on our new YouTube channel and then finish reading the article about another common issue I have seen in counseling over the years.

One time I was trying to help a couple at my church deal with conflict. We were sitting in my office discussing why the wife distrusted her husband so. Then it happened. She stopped crying and shouted, "Look at him! He always does that. You tell him to stop it!"

I was stunned because I had been observing the husband and obviously missed something big in his demeanor. She said, "He looks at me that way a lot and it drives me out of my mind."

I asked her what the look meant and she confidently said, "He is smirking at me."

The husband, when queried, indicated as much surprise as I. I saw no evidence of a smirk or put down but the wife was enraged and he pled his innocence. These kind of disputes are hard to resolve because the meaning of non-verbals cannot be verified in an objective fashion. The meaning of any non-verbal is up to my unique perception, and my perceptions are altered by my circumstances, past experiences, physical condition and current emotional state.

This is why we try to teach our Befrienders how to observe the non-verbal expressions of others as objectively as possible while practicing "safe" non-verbals ourselves. As you watched the video, did you think how you might discipline yourself to communicate positive facial, vocal and physical responses to others? As scripture says, "Greet one another with a holy kiss..."